Recently i went our with some friends to a random local gay pub, nothing special you understand, just men, drinks, and way to many sparkles everywhere, [not that i care, i like a good sparkle every now and again] anyway i digress, basically, that night they were doing this weird ass thing of giving you nametags as you entered, so before you've even had a drink, you're being forced into this primitive search for your other half, its not bad enough looking for mr.right, but now people are making casual lounge-y type lido deck games out of it? adding insult to injury i was given the nametag 'Sonny' and told i had to search for Cher of all bloody people, now i like Cher, shes a survivor, her music aside, i think the woman has balls. However the very concept of having to look for her alter ego in a bar was really just not my thing, specially when my very loyal friends decided to find her for me, and then i was ambushed...
Cher was vertically challenged at 1.68 with a nose that bats could cave in, and eyes that looked like a boa constrictor was wrapped around his waist. Desperately trying to act as straight as he could this young fellow introduced himself and tried to get me to have a drink at the bar, I politely refused, and tried to sit down with my friends, but oh no, he wasnt having any of that, in a trasforming outburst that could rival caterpillar to butterfly, he flings his hand out, grabs me, and goes 'ohhhhhhhh don't be a little tease'. At the bar, thigns jsut got worse, he was asking me those innane questions which are obviously faked and vaguely masked to try and find out information about your sexual orientation and availability, Its so fucking boring, i'm just stood there thinking, who the fuck is this little twirp and why am I putting up with someone when he blatantly annoys me! The answer is of course human nature, I dont mean to sound patronising, but everyone has their own way of dealing with random strangers, my friend Sam would just walk away dis-interested, Julie would start laughing uncontrollably while trying to inch away, but jsut end up tripping forcing a first contact type situation when said weirdo helps her up, and what do i do? Nothing that animated i'm afraid, no i nod and smile, thats it, nod and smile and get out of there as soon as possible, and then at this point, I cant tell you where cuz i wasnt listening to him, he catches my attention by saying 'Oh you're straight' with a semi-judgemental tone! I was like fuck this, did my shot, told him i was a fudgepacker supreme and fucked off. Half an hour later I saw him again with his new 'boyfriend', they were divorced after 2am...
This situation repeated itself in a rather un-toward fashion later on outside when Sam and I were having a sneaky cigarette, FUCK THE ANTI-SMOKING BULLSHIT, although i'll shut up now cuz im in the process of quitting haha, anwyay.
Location:Ealing
